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    So I tended to go for guys who I thought could keep me grounded: There was never a conversation about why they stopped getting back to me. Maybe they weren't impressed with the 2 a. There were other "incidents": I seduced a guy who had a girlfriend who was out of town; I had to be reminded of a guy's name while we were hooking up; I got so drunk I peed in a guy's bed. I pretended I didn't care, that I had no shame. But deep down, it hurt. I was lonely, and I wondered if anyone would ever really love me.

    So after quitting drinking and drugs, I also wanted to quit my disastrous dating pattern. Still stinging from Mike's rejection, I decided to date -- but casually. Just a few weeks sober, I joined OKCupid. When you create your profile, it asks how often you drink. I checked "Rarely," worried that no one would want to date a year-old girl who didn't drink at all. I had two rules for my potential match: I was hoping for someone who rarely or socially drank -- a "normie," in AA-speak. AA was chock-full of single guys but I didn't want to date them. I didn't think I could handle someone with an alcoholic brain like mine.

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